Addiction to fantasy

Creation as self-knowledge

I have been addicted to a fantasy. Living in an illusion that one day I will take place and show up in the world as my true and whole self. I have let myself get swept away by the excitement and thrill of this possibility, while postponing any action to make it a reality. There was always more healing to be done, more learning and more wisdom to be gained before I could dare to speak up, and claim my place on earth by doing the things that matter to me. Instead, I built a fort of excuses, one rock on top of the other. The walls became so high that I forgot there even was a world outside. A dull, tame world compared to my wild, limitless fantasies. A world where actions stick, and possibilities shrink as you commit.

But in my fantasies, I could be anyone, and do anything. There, I would always have the daily fix of daydreams.

My fantasies were also private. The others couldn’t see how much I cared, and question me when I stopped caring.

But unfortunately, we can't create without the witness, not if we want to hear ourselves. What would be the point of life, if each human could self-realize in isolation?

The soul is elusive and it is impossible to see from within. It has to create so that, as the creator, it can know itself through its creation. There it finds the answers to identity, meaning and purpose. As much as I wished it was possible to find such answers alone, reading from books, or following lectures on YouTube, in isolation my mind becomes a barren loop.

We are split into billions of pieces so that we can all watch each other like a mirror, and learn a little bit more about ourselves through the mirage that we call reality. Through manifestation of each fantasy on the material world, I come closer to understanding the nature of my reality, thus the nature of all reality.

🌙🌙🌙

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Gems and Guidance

I've been really enjoying the Spotify Mix feature lately. It brings you songs that fit a certain mood or genre, according to your personal preferences, so that a certain mix have different songs for each person.

Here are my 3 most favorite mixes:

• Chill 190 bpm mix:

I love this mix because it provides fast paced tracks that fits a high running cadence, that are also calm and fun, which is a difficult combo to hit, but not for AI!

• Bedroom Soul mix:

This is the perfect background music to make out to.

• Earthy Mix:

Here you find organic, instrumental tunes that have spiritual undertones, elemental tracks and songs for the praise of mother earth.

❤️❤️❤️

Now some intuitive guidance…

Creating a path on your own is a great learning, and you will find joy in it. This experience is what you need right now, so don’t mourn the lack of a teacher. They will come (when it’s time) and you will know.

….

There are no reasons why you shouldn’t follow your dream. Its what your heart desires. There can be all the reasons why its not necessariy, it’s hard, it’s too much work, there are alternatives, you shouldn’t need it to be happy. But it is not about happiness, this is about learning to follow your instincts and creating a life that you want for yourself. There are no reasons to reamin stuck in a life that doesn’t give you joy, even though if feels like a virtue sometimes. Sticking it out and being patient to achieve something good for yourself or others is a virtue. Remaining in jobs or relationships that you know won’t give you joy is wasting your precious life on earth out of inertia and cowardice. Know the difference and never fear following your dreams. It’s not selfish, it’s not escape, it’s not diversion. It is escape if you are avoiding feeling paing because the underlying reason (for your action) is too hard for you to face. Like you keep breaking up with people because when you get close with them you face your own short comings or you leep chaning jobs at the first sign of challange or stress. But that’s not the case for you. You don’t have your head down in the sand. You feel it all and see it all, and still know and feel that you want that dream.

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